If you simply can’t find a way to compromise with parents, you might find you have to ‘agree to disagree’. Remember that you can have your own opinions, based on your own experience, beliefs and values – whether or not you accept your parents’ or guardians’ views is up to you.
Listen to what your parents or guardians have to say and accept that their point of view may be as valid as yours. If talking to them seems impossible, it can be helpful to send an e-mail or write a letter, explaining how you feel. You can also try a mediator or family counselling.
In family meetings, avoid being sarcastic and making personal comments. Be honest and try using “I feel” comments: “when you keep telling me I need to get good results to get into college, I feel really stressed and overwhelmed”.
If you need to have a family meeting, try and find a time when no one is angry, upset, stressed or tired. Find somewhere you can sit without being interrupted by the phone, TV or other people. Be willing to compromise and have a number of options you’re willing to accept.
With family conflict, sitting down and talking about the situation may seem stressful. It could ease the situation if they see you are being ‘mature’ and taking the first step. It can also be a great way of sorting through issues and coming to an arrangement that works for all of you.
Your parents or guardians might be worried and stressed about things unrelated to you such as work, relationships or money that can affect how they talk and act with you. They can also feel pressure from expectations from their own parents, family and their community about “being a good parent”.
If your parents, guardians or relatives have grown up in another country they might have very different values and cultural expectations than people in this country. For example, your parents might insist on you speaking their native (non-English) language.
You might feel pressure or high expectations from your family about your friends, career/job choice, exams and school, chores, or even your hairstyle, the clothes you wear, or the music you listen to.
Family conflict can be caused by: you feeling that you’re being treated like a child; feeling like they do not respect your right to privacy; changes in the family caused by separation, divorce, a new baby, moving to a new house or even to a new country.
Common causes of conflict or arguments with parents or guardians can include: when your own opinions and values are different; misunderstanding each other, jumping to the wrong conclusions, or lack of communication; wanting more independence than they’re willing to give you.