Short messages on Family issues and relationships from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
Many people eventually leave the home they grew up in and find a home of their own. However, everyone is different, and some people leave home when they are very young. Others wait till they are in their 30s, and some people live with their family all their lives.
It is natural to feel like you don’t want to let your family down with your personal problems but remember in most families, they only care about you. Sometimes a family member that is not in your immediate family like an uncle, cousin and grandparent might be the right person to talk to.
There might be several members of your family that you can talk to. Some families have “family meetings” to go over problems or big decisions. Talking to an older family member can be good because they may have had a similar problem or concern in the past.
Members of a family generally look out for each other and have each other’s best interests in mind. You may sometimes feel like your family might ask you questions about your problem that you don’t want to answer, but remember that they are doing it because they care.
Sometimes when you go through a tough time, you may need someone to talk to. Talking to someone who is willing to listen really makes a difference and sometimes the best people to talk to may be your own family.
Your opinion matters a lot to your siblings. We often work on our relationships with friends, schoolmates and co-workers; our family relationships need work too. Small acts of support can go a long way.
It’s easy to get upset if people or parents compare you and your siblings. Remember that you’re very different people with different talents, interests and abilities; recognise these positive attributes and value your siblings for their different qualities.
Sometimes sibling fights can escalate to physical violence, especially if one feels defensive. Remember that violence is never an acceptable way to deal with feelings, and will hurt you both, both physically and emotionally.
If you talk to your sibling about how you’re feeling, use “I” phrases such as “I feel frustrated that you…”, so you don’t lay blame and put them on the defensive.
Talking about why you’re frustrated with your sibling can help you gain some insight on the situation, help them understand where you’re coming from, and can give you a chance to hear their side of the story.