Short messages on Relationships issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
Learning to solve conflict and issues in healthy ways will give you an advantage as you go through life. Your relationships will be healthier and you’ll be more self-confident because you believe in your ability to get through challenges.
Teachers won’t always like your papers. Friends will be jerks. Bosses will ask challenging questions and professors will give constructive (but not always) criticism. Learning to accept this, and to deal productively with healthy conflict, will help you be more resilient.
Changing the situation may involve finding and developing a circle of friends, but it may also mean finding ways of learning to enjoy your own company – to use that time more constructively and pleasurably.
It is important to think about what your concerns are based on with your friend’s partner and how this may affect your relationship if your friend doesn’t believe you or doesn’t want to believe you. You’ll have to let them decide what to do with those facts.
It is important to talk to your friend if you think the issue you have with their partner is serious and your friend’s health or safety may be in danger; it may still create a divide or tension between the two of you, but in the long term you are doing the right thing.
If you don’t get along with your friend’s partner, try to approach at a calm time when you can talk one-on-one. Let your friend know that you miss him/her and ask if the two of you can make plans to hang out again, just the two of you.
If you find yourself getting jealous that your friend isn’t spending enough time with you, try to put yourself in their position and remember the feeling of being in a relationship. Your friend may not even be aware that your feelings are being hurt.
If you simply have a bad feeling about your friend’s partner or dislike them for an unknown reason, give careful thought to if and how you will approach your friend. You may need to take some time and self-reflection to get to the issue at the core of your negative feelings.
Avoid blaming circumstances or other people for how you feel. When we blame, we surrender our power and ability to change our thoughts and feelings. We put ourselves at the mercy and whims of our environment and other people.
When you have a partner, your friend might feel excluded from your new social calendar. On top of having to carve out time to hang out with their best friend, they now have to deal with “stealing you away” from your partner.