The person you hold a grudge against isn’t necessarily hurt by this – they go on living their life whilst you are the one stuck dwelling on the things you feel they did. You are the one that continues to hurt inside, while the other person is out dancing.
The only way to get through a feeling is to acknowledge it and let yourself feel it. Let yourself feel angry/sad/hurt/frustrated. Don’t let it fill you up so full that you break apart and hurt the people around you.
Sometimes when you lash out at others, it’s because you’re fighting against your natural feelings of hurt and pain. You’re bottling it up so tight, like a fizzy drink that has been shaken too much.
Sometimes a counsellor is needed to help when the emotional pain is just too much and you can’t get a grasp on it. There is nothing wrong with this. Painful events in life can seem too much to bear, and speaking to a counsellor will help.
Keep a gratitude jar. At the end of the day each person writes one thing they’re grateful for on a slip of paper and places it into the jar. At the end of the month/year you can open and read them together or whenever you need to remember the good things.
The point of practising gratitude is not to disregard negative emotions. It’s important to allow yourself to feel and experience those as well. Rather, the point is to also recognise the good. Sometimes we can get caught up focusing on what is “wrong” and lose sight of all that is “right.”
Write down everything that is good and positive. Are you thankful for a loving mother? A supportive father? Even something like having a roof over your head counts. Write it all down and reflect upon it. Practising gratitude can give you perspective.
Letting your loved ones in to support you benefits both them and you. Humans are social creatures, and isolating yourself ends up exacerbating your pain. Connection is the antidote.
Does it hurt you to see your loved ones suffering? The same goes for your loved ones when they see you suffering. Don’t lock yourself up in your room and avoid others. Let them in.
Bottling up such strong negative emotions can only poison your body and mind. If you find it difficult to cry, try watching a movie that has similar themes to the pain you’re in, and cry it out.