The person you hold a grudge against isn’t necessarily hurt by this – they go on living their life whilst you are the one stuck dwelling on the things you feel they did. You are the one that continues to hurt inside, while the other person is out dancing.
The only way to get through a feeling is to acknowledge it and let yourself feel it. Let yourself feel angry/sad/hurt/frustrated. Don’t let it fill you up so full that you break apart and hurt the people around you.
Sometimes when you lash out at others, it’s because you’re fighting against your natural feelings of hurt and pain. You’re bottling it up so tight, like a fizzy drink that has been shaken too much.
Learn how to greet your feelings as friends rather than as a nameless beast out to destroy your life. Learn how to allow the literal physical feeling of your emotions to burn itself out, by simply feeling the sensation instead of judging it or making it mean something.
Sometimes the last thing we want to do is feel our feelings, because feeling can hurt. Many of us learned to stifle our sensitivity and emotion in a well-meaning but mistaken effort to protect those around us. Instead, it’s important we feel our feelings in a safe way.
It’s important that you can trust the person you decide to speak with about a situation. This could be a friend, someone older, a family member, teacher, counsellor, doctor or nurse. If they don’t have the experience to provide the support you need, they could refer you to a specialist.
Talking through your concerns can be a great way to vent and release pent-up tension. Just “getting the problem out” can help you feel better. Not only does it feel great, but it can also give you new insights into what’s happening in your life.
If you’ve been keeping a situation to yourself, it may seem more overwhelming than it actually is. The person you talk with might help you see the situation in a new or different perspective, and will be more neutral about what’s going on if the outcome won’t affect them personally.
Talking about your feelings can help you make sense of them. Sometimes, just verbalising what is upsetting you to someone you trust can help you sort through your feelings, or make the situation clearer.
Talking to someone about how you’re feeling can help you sort through your feelings, put things in perspective, and release tension. The person you speak with might also suggest options that you had not thought about before.