While many of us place a lot of worth on external achievement, there are many variables beyond our control that influence the outcome of a situation. Even if we do our best and do everything right, we might still feel “not good enough” because those external variables mean we didn’t get the gold star.
Other people might have different ideas about what “good enough” means and looks like, but you have no control over that. There will always be someone who is more talented, more accomplished, more X and more Y than you are. The only person it’s helpful for you to compare yourself to is the “you” from yesterday.
Focus on “getting better” at something rather than “being perfect” at something. Instead of tying our self-worth to achievement and seeing ourselves either as a success or a failure, understand that skills, capability and achievement are things we can influence with our beliefs and behaviour.
Telling yourself something needs to be perfect to be “good enough” sets yourself up for failure. “Good enough” exists on a spectrum, influenced by the situation, the context and other things that are happening in life, as well as your well-being, values, and priorities.
Understand that your addiction to negative thinking is based on the illusion that you can avoid pain by experiencing negativity on your own terms. You have what it takes to face the pain and negativity. As sure as day follows night, know that in time the pain will subside.
Self-acceptance allows us to acknowledge all aspects of ourselves without clinging or judgement. Instead of fixating on the bad, it means loving all of who we are. It means having the courage to correct any behaviours that are harmful without engaging in self-loathing.