Reactivity is the enemy of a calm and happy existence. Instead of developing sustainable strategies to address your problems, reactivity forces you to spend your days putting out fires. To solve problems, you will need to be proactive.
Our problems tend to stick around when we treat the symptoms rather than eliminate their causes. Our knee-jerk response to whatever troubles us may provide temporary relief, but the problem will continue to manifest itself unless we can identify the root.
You can put your fears in perspective, see them rationally, then deal with them. Start small. Once you’ve done this with one of your fears, use this as an example to yourself that you can and have achieved this change, and can use this process to successfully make other changes.
Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. Negative situations cause negative emotions. It is vital to everyone’s emotional health to work it out and not brush it under the rug.
To make friends, try to make yourself go to new safe situations where you will meet people with interests in common. Choose activities that you are genuinely interested in and try to enjoy them – whether it is a Society, sport or even some voluntary work.
If you’re in a new school/club/job and feeling lonely, don’t wait for other people to speak to you. Try to talk to people you sit next to, maybe suggest going for a coffee. Say hello, or even just smile, with other people you sit with or pass in the corridor.
If you eliminate “always” and “never” from your vocabulary, you will feel less limited and more confident in your potential.
“I’m not good enough”, “My parents really screwed me up”, “Things never work out for me”, “I’m too messed up”, “I always make the wrong decisions”, “I don’t deserve success or happiness because…”: these are all stories we tell ourselves.
Porn is not a realistic depiction of healthy sex, where both partners respect and care for each other. It is common for porn to be male-centred and it often includes verbal or physical violence toward women.
Drunken sexual consent is not consent, and the absence of a Yes is effectively a No. If you feel too awkward having sex with someone, think about if it’s a good idea to proceed with the sex.