Short messages on Relationships issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control brings frustration and misery. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.
Tell the people you love how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. You don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.
If you pause and take the time to analyse why someone may be acting with jealousy, you can begin to understand what may be motivating their behaviours, which then makes it easier to empathise with their circumstance.
Take a step back and pause when you are getting treated unfairly because of someone’s jealousy. Remind yourself that it is not you that has the problem, it is them. Their jealousy and underlying issues are causing them to act this way.
Most jealousy is rooted in feelings of inadequacy; they see something in you that makes them feel that they aren’t as good. Real or imagined, negative thoughts or actions emerge as a reaction or solution to those feelings of inadequacy.
It can hurt to have a friend who is jealous, because the actions and emotional expressions of a jealous person are not kind or loving, and you may take it personally. Their jealousy is caused by their own underlying issues and it is not your fault.
If you simply can’t find a way to compromise with parents, you might find you have to ‘agree to disagree’. Remember that you can have your own opinions, based on your own experience, beliefs and values – whether or not you accept your parents’ or guardians’ views is up to you.
Listen to what your parents or guardians have to say and accept that their point of view may be as valid as yours. If talking to them seems impossible, it can be helpful to send an e-mail or write a letter, explaining how you feel. You can also try a mediator or family counselling.
In family meetings, avoid being sarcastic and making personal comments. Be honest and try using “I feel” comments: “when you keep telling me I need to get good results to get into college, I feel really stressed and overwhelmed”.
If you need to have a family meeting, try and find a time when no one is angry, upset, stressed or tired. Find somewhere you can sit without being interrupted by the phone, TV or other people. Be willing to compromise and have a number of options you’re willing to accept.