Short messages on Sexual health and Safety issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
Porn is not a realistic depiction of healthy sex, where both partners respect and care for each other. It is common for porn to be male-centred and it often includes verbal or physical violence toward women.
Drunken sexual consent is not consent, and the absence of a Yes is effectively a No. If you feel too awkward having sex with someone, think about if it’s a good idea to proceed with the sex.
As your feelings for one another deepen over time, the relationship should progress to reflect that. When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, they ultimately will get more from each other.
If you’re wanting love from a partner, think about whether or not you want to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know them. If you become intimate too soon you may be thinking ‘Oh, now we’re a couple,’ while they may be thinking ‘Oh boy that sure was fun.’
It doesn’t matter if it is the first, the fifth or the five-hundredth time you are having sex with someone – you must always have consent, every time.
The signs in your partner that mean you should stop sexual advances include: slurred speech, shaking, resistance, confusion, silence, stillness, being frozen or frightened, sleeping, flinching, passing out, crying, no eye contact, incoherent talking or a tense or rigid body.
With sex, always stop if you hear your partner say: No, I don’t know, I’m not sure, Not now, Get off, Don’t do that, I feel worried, Stop. They are not giving you consent to continue.
Sexual consent is not given if it is assumed, forced, pressured, unwanted, violent, if they are too drunk or too high to give consent, if they are asleep, or your partner doesn’t understand what is happening.
Sex without consent is illegal. It is rape or sexual assault, which would result in a criminal conviction as a sex offender.
Consent to sexual activity may be given to one sort of sexual activity but not another, e.g. to vaginal but not anal sex, or penetration with conditions such as wearing a condom. Consent is needed each time activity occurs, and can be withdrawn at any time during sexual activity.