by Dr Pam Spurr
Psychologist and children’s author Dr Pam Spurr shares crucial tips for your happiness with Respect Yourself!
Her new book Eva the Bear and the Magic Snowflake is available now.
Hurt people hurt people, however healed people heal people. If you work on your issues and work towards healing, you will feel able to go out into the world and spread that good energy that comes from you feeling healed.
We should stop ourselves from jumping to conclusions and not let misunderstandings become false facts we pass judgement on. Instead, commit to simply asking questions and then seek to understand one another’s views to eliminate grudges before they begin.
Jumping to conclusions and holding a grudge is like locking yourself in prison for a crime you think someone else committed, and doing it before you’ve even investigated to know if a crime actually took place or not.
Beating yourself up over lashing out at someone isn’t going to help you or the person you hurt. Instead, take responsibility for your actions, apologise sincerely (because if they matter, you truly will be sorry) and keep moving forward.
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.
Grudge-holders don’t always understand how much strain on themselves holding a grudge causes. It takes a significant amount of mental and emotional energy to keep the steady stream of hostility and aggression (or passive-aggression) that supports a grudge.
Many grudges are simply misunderstandings that people didn’t talk through. One person assumes something about the other person and labels it as fact in their own mind. Then they hold onto it, and pass judgement based on it, and then feel resentment.
Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.
“The problem with revenge is that it never evens the score. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops.” – Lewis B. Smedes