Short messages on Relationships issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
You can feel lonely when: you are alone and have no choice about the matter; you do not feel part of a group or event; there is no-one you feel you can share your feelings and experiences with; you feel disconnected and alienated from your surroundings.
Moving out and leaving home means a lot of changes: in lifestyle, work patterns and degree of independence. Having a support network of friends, family, colleagues (at work) or Student Services (at University) can help you deal with the changes without becoming overwhelmed or feeling isolated.
Some people are more at ease in groups, and others in one-to-one situations. Think about what you prefer. Find others with similar outlooks and interests. Remember that, despite what it might seem, not everyone is interested in sport or going to pubs.
Long-lasting and fulfilling friendships take time to grow. Try not to be too critical of yourself and your efforts, and be patient. Build that friendship which you want for yourself by being a good friend to others.
Don’t deprive yourself of doing something you want to do just because you have no-one to go with you, like going to a movie or a concert. All the people including you are there to enjoy themselves having a shared experience, so make the best of it.
Next time a negative situation or issue arises and you’re tempted to brush it under the rug, stop. Don’t brush it under the rug where it’s still there, just hidden. Resolve it, brush it into the trash and then take the trash out.
Suppressing your feelings regularly will only result in an emotional overload. Bottle them up for too long and they explode. Avoiding conflict and brushing things under the rug does not mean they’ll go away, it means they’ll come back later, but with firepower behind them.
Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. Negative situations cause negative emotions. It is vital to everyone’s emotional health to work it out and not brush it under the rug.
To make friends, try to make yourself go to new safe situations where you will meet people with interests in common. Choose activities that you are genuinely interested in and try to enjoy them – whether it is a Society, sport or even some voluntary work.
If you’re in a new school/club/job and feeling lonely, don’t wait for other people to speak to you. Try to talk to people you sit next to, maybe suggest going for a coffee. Say hello, or even just smile, with other people you sit with or pass in the corridor.