Each time you think about your worry, you reinforce its grip on you. Distraction breaks this by forcing you to think about other things. If you distract yourself with something sufficiently compelling, you will stop ruminating and start to feel better.
Distraction works because it interrupts your mood and forces you to “change gears”. Many negative moods contain an element of rumination to them. When you ruminate, you go over your problem or worry again and again in your mind.
If you simply can’t find a way to compromise with parents, you might find you have to ‘agree to disagree’. Remember that you can have your own opinions, based on your own experience, beliefs and values – whether or not you accept your parents’ or guardians’ views is up to you.
Listen to what your parents or guardians have to say and accept that their point of view may be as valid as yours. If talking to them seems impossible, it can be helpful to send an e-mail or write a letter, explaining how you feel. You can also try a mediator or family counselling.
The activity that you engage yourself in as a means of distraction should be both absorbing and interesting to you. Doing this thing should either require your full attention, or be so absorbing of your attention in its detail that you will forget yourself.
Distraction is a surprisingly effective technique for changing your mood. When you realise that you have become upset, choose to interrupt your negative mood by engaging in something that distracts you from what has upset you.
In family meetings, avoid being sarcastic and making personal comments. Be honest and try using “I feel” comments: “when you keep telling me I need to get good results to get into college, I feel really stressed and overwhelmed”.
If you need to have a family meeting, try and find a time when no one is angry, upset, stressed or tired. Find somewhere you can sit without being interrupted by the phone, TV or other people. Be willing to compromise and have a number of options you’re willing to accept.
With family conflict, sitting down and talking about the situation may seem stressful. It could ease the situation if they see you are being ‘mature’ and taking the first step. It can also be a great way of sorting through issues and coming to an arrangement that works for all of you.
Your parents or guardians might be worried and stressed about things unrelated to you such as work, relationships or money that can affect how they talk and act with you. They can also feel pressure from expectations from their own parents, family and their community about “being a good parent”.