If you talk about your friends behind their back, think about how it is likely to make them feel. Think about how you would feel if the things you’ve been saying to others were said about you by your friend.
by self-help expert Dr Pam Spurr.
I’ve got a really big problem with our society that gives the message we should all be extroverts. That there’s something wrong if you’re not the life-and-soul of the party. Simply not true!
We’re all made differently and I hate how some feel the pressure to be something they’re not.
That said, I’ve seen the devastating consequences of shyness. Where a shy person feels they can’t talk to someone they’re attracted to. Or make new friends, or put themselves forward for a project at school or work.
Relationships benefit from honesty, inclusion, and compromise.
“Cognitive empathy” is “perspective taking” – our ability to identify and understand other peoples’ emotions.
“Affective empathy” refers to the sensations and feelings we get in response to others’ emotions – mirroring what that person is feeling, or just feeling stressed when we detect another’s fear or anxiety.
“Empathy” is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, experiencing how they are feeling from their perspective.
Ask yourself, in what pictures do you want to fit? You are a perfect fit for many people and many situations, where your best is enough.
See yourself as a piece of a puzzle. With some people you will be a perfect fit, with others you will never fit no matter how hard you try. You’re a perfect fit in one or more pictures, but not in all the pictures – and this is okay and normal!
Even if you make a mistake, there are ways to apologise and make amends. Don’t make yourself feel like a screw up, it’s just that you didn’t make the right choice that time.
People are not mind readers. They won’t know you’re struggling, or how you feel, unless you speak to them about it, clearly and unambiguously so there’s no room for confusion.