As your feelings for one another deepen over time, the relationship should progress to reflect that. When partners place at least some responsibility for the success of the relationship on themselves, they ultimately will get more from each other.
If you’re wanting love from a partner, think about whether or not you want to hold off physical intimacy until you really get to know them. If you become intimate too soon you may be thinking ‘Oh, now we’re a couple,’ while they may be thinking ‘Oh boy that sure was fun.’
It doesn’t matter if it is the first, the fifth or the five-hundredth time you are having sex with someone – you must always have consent, every time.
The signs in your partner that mean you should stop sexual advances include: slurred speech, shaking, resistance, confusion, silence, stillness, being frozen or frightened, sleeping, flinching, passing out, crying, no eye contact, incoherent talking or a tense or rigid body.
With sex, always stop if you hear your partner say: No, I don’t know, I’m not sure, Not now, Get off, Don’t do that, I feel worried, Stop. They are not giving you consent to continue.
Sexual consent is not given if it is assumed, forced, pressured, unwanted, violent, if they are too drunk or too high to give consent, if they are asleep, or your partner doesn’t understand what is happening.
Sex without consent is illegal. It is rape or sexual assault, which would result in a criminal conviction as a sex offender.
Consent to sexual activity may be given to one sort of sexual activity but not another, e.g. to vaginal but not anal sex, or penetration with conditions such as wearing a condom. Consent is needed each time activity occurs, and can be withdrawn at any time during sexual activity.
If someone forces you to do something you do not want to do of a sexual nature, it is never your fault and it is not OK. You should speak to someone you trust if this has happened to you so that you can get help and support.
“Sexual consent” means a person willingly agrees to have sex or engage in a sexual activity – and that they are free and capable to make their own decision. Sex without consent is rape or sexual assault.