Painful things don’t go away because you ignore them. Negative situations cause negative emotions. It is vital to everyone’s emotional health to work it out and not brush it under the rug.
To make friends, try to make yourself go to new safe situations where you will meet people with interests in common. Choose activities that you are genuinely interested in and try to enjoy them – whether it is a Society, sport or even some voluntary work.
If you’re in a new school/club/job and feeling lonely, don’t wait for other people to speak to you. Try to talk to people you sit next to, maybe suggest going for a coffee. Say hello, or even just smile, with other people you sit with or pass in the corridor.
Learning to solve conflict and issues in healthy ways will give you an advantage as you go through life. Your relationships will be healthier and you’ll be more self-confident because you believe in your ability to get through challenges.
Teachers won’t always like your papers. Friends will be jerks. Bosses will ask challenging questions and professors will give constructive (but not always) criticism. Learning to accept this, and to deal productively with healthy conflict, will help you be more resilient.
Changing the situation may involve finding and developing a circle of friends, but it may also mean finding ways of learning to enjoy your own company – to use that time more constructively and pleasurably.
Remember that feeling lonely is very common. Almost everyone feels it at some point. It is a sign that important needs are not being met. And it is something that can be changed.
Negative feelings are only negative if they’re excessive and enduring. We won’t hurt ourselves into eternal misery if we let ourselves feel what we need to feel. And we don’t have to feel bad nearly as often as we think.
We can identify what we want to say yes to in life and choose that, before struggling with whether or not to say no to someone else. If you love dancing, take a class. Don’t worry about where it’s leading. Do it just because you love it.
Being more reactive than active is a decision to let the outside world dictate how we feel. We don’t need to sit around waiting for other people to evoke our feelings. Instead, we can take responsibility to create our world as we want it.