A number of protective factors contribute to your ability to be resilient when faced with adversity. Some are outside of our control and some are within your control, that you can learn and develop.
We are allowed to feel whatever we need to feel. If we lose someone, we’re allowed to hurt. If we hurt someone, we’re allowed to feel guilty. If we make a mistake, we’re allowed to feel regretful.
Even if you reframe a situation to see things differently, there will be times when you still feel something that seems negative. While not every situation requires panic, sometimes our feelings are appropriate for the events going on in our lives.
When we tell ourselves that things must be a certain way or that we must achieve certain things, we put ourselves under a huge amount of pressure. Learning to be flexible instead doesn’t mean you have to ignore your values or preferences.
To develop an awareness of thoughts and feelings, some people find it helpful to silently name them: “Here’s the thought that I might fail that exam”. Or, “This is anxiety”.
You don’t have to take abuse from anyone. No-one deserves to be abused. You are allowed to walk away, to stick up for yourself, to say “I understand that you are hurting, but I can’t allow it to hurt me in return.”
When you’re feeling down, try to examine your thoughts. If they’re negative or critical, challenge them. Once you get into the habit of disputing negative self-talk you’ll find it easier to handle difficult situations, and as a result you’ll feel less stressed and more confident and in control.
Sometimes you might confuse your thoughts or feelings with reality, or assume that your perceptions are correct. Ask yourself: Am I thinking this way just because I’m feeling bad right now? Just because I’m feeling this way, does that mean my perceptions are correct?
The phrase “Hurt people hurt people” means that people who are hurting lash out at others, causing them pain, whether intentionally or not. You can choose to take in that anger and lash out in return, or you can choose to rise above and react to that person with compassion and understanding.
“Those who hurt us are usually hurting themselves, and their pain may be so strong that they are not even aware they are hurting us.” – Joyce Meyers