If you empathise with someone who hurt you, you can let go of bitterness. If you understand someone who annoys you, you can let go of judgment. If you have compassion for yourself, you can let go of self-recrimination.
Treat people kindly, for your own sake as well as theirs. In the end, you will be the one who suffers, as you will have to live with yourself knowing what you’ve done. Respond with compassion and help others to do the same.
Try not to use alcohol or other drugs – including lots of caffeine or other energy drinks – in the hope of feeling better or forgetting expectations and pressure. The feeling is usually temporary and the effects often make you feel worse.
Expectations can lead to a lot of stress. It’s important to take time out to do something that you enjoy. Although you might not feel like it or have time, exercising, eating well and getting plenty of sleep can help you feel better.
If you need to express your emotions you can do this in ways that won’t cause you bodily harm, or damage to another person or property, like yelling, punching or crying into a pillow, or dancing round the room to loud music.
Writing down your feelings in a journal or private online space can be a great way to gain some insight into a situation and reduce the power of unrealistic expectations. Expressing yourself creatively can also help you think about alternative solutions to problems.
If you’re feeling stressed, sometimes getting some space and a change of scenery can be helpful. It’s important to give yourself permission to do this regularly. Go for a walk, listen to music, read a book, or go to the cinema – whatever works for you.
Sometimes expectations are focused on one outcome and if you don’t meet it, you might feel disappointed or like you’ve failed…but usually there are a number of ways to achieve a goal. Try to have a couple of strategies for achieving your goals.
Sometimes it can be helpful to re-think your own expectations. This can help you decide if your goals are achievable. It can help to ask yourself, “What would I suggest to a friend in this situation?”
Sometimes a person who is setting unreasonable expectations might be unaware that they are putting unfair pressure on you. When you talk to them, it might be helpful to say something like “When you treat me like this, then I feel…”