Bringing up the past in an argument creates resentment, prevents the real issue from being discussed and shows you haven’t forgiven them for it; additionally, the current argument will not be resolved.
- How to communicate during an argument: 7 quick rules @ estes therapy
Excerpt: When your partner comes to you with a concern or is upset, avoid bringing in the past as an example, to prove your point, or in an attempt to resolve the issue. If the past is coming up, it obviously has not been resolved, and now the argument has more fuel to keep it burning. Bringing in other issues can ignite a variety of emotions and the discussion can get off-track. Make a mental note of your concern and bring it up later in a new discussion. Stay on topic to resolve the specific issue at hand before addressing other unresolved issues.
- How to Handle Heated Arguments @ Engaged Marriage
Excerpt: Arguing can bring up old familiar feelings. Perhaps the current issue reminds you of something bad that happened in your relationship previously. However, it is essential that you do not bring these feelings from the past into the current argument. When you do this, it shows your spouse that you haven’t truly forgiven them. This can add fuel to the fire, starting a whole new argument. It may be difficult to push these feelings back, but doing so can help save a marriage by focusing on resolving the current issue you and your spouse are experiencing.