Short messages on Mental health, stress and anxiety issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
A lot of the drama in our life takes place in our own heads, usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognise it isn’t as dire as it seems.
You may see small mistakes as evidence that you’re unworthy. You may interpret your challenges as proof that you’re incompetent. Neither of these things are true, and you don’t have to believe them.
Byron Katie said “It’s not your job to like me. It’s mine.” There’s a difference between depending on people for support and depending on them for self-esteem.
Build a reputation for not participating in drama. Speak less, listen more. Be an observer. You have time to hear and see the drama and sidestep it. Not everything needs a reaction.
“Expectations” come from many different places: yourself, your family, peers, school, teammates, work and even society can expect you to behave, dress, date and work in certain ways.
“Expectations” are when you feel pressure to achieve certain goals, behave in a particular manner or even look a certain way. They can challenge or motivate you to do your best; however, unrealistic expectations could have a negative impact on your thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
For every feeling and situation, you can accept that there is an alternative – you can choose to interpret the situation a different way, soothe yourself, and then feel something different. No one else causes our feelings. Only we can choose and change them.
Find the cause of the feeling you’re having and notice the effect, e.g. you didn’t give yourself enough time for homework, so now you feel stressed. Anytime you feel something uncomfortable that you’d rather avoid, put a magnifying glass on it. Once you know what you feel, you can now challenge both the cause and the effect.
It’s not always easy to understand a feeling when it happens, especially if you think you shouldn’t feel it – but forget about ‘should’. Instead, try to pinpoint exactly what you feel – scared, frustrated, ashamed, angry – and then pinpoint what might be the cause.
Sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.