Short messages on Mental health, stress and anxiety issues from Respect Yourself, the guidance site for young people to help make good decisions in life.
You may think that you’re no longer worrying about what caused the pain, but as soon as there is an open ear willing to listen, you find yourself retelling the story. At first this can help, but at some point you have to stop telling the story; you’re just re-opening the wound.
If nothing can be done about your emotional pain, your only and best choice is simply to accept what is and allow yourself to feel what you feel. It can be helpful to process your feelings with a friend, counsellor or to write them out in a journal.
Each time you think about your worry, you reinforce its grip on you. Distraction breaks this by forcing you to think about other things. If you distract yourself with something sufficiently compelling, you will stop ruminating and start to feel better.
Distraction works because it interrupts your mood and forces you to “change gears”. Many negative moods contain an element of rumination to them. When you ruminate, you go over your problem or worry again and again in your mind.
Don’t torture yourself by fixating on what caused the pain you’re suffering from. What has happened has already been done and cannot be undone. Going over it again and again in your mind will only make things worse for you. Ask yourself, what can you do now?
While suffering from emotional pain you may not even want to get out of bed. Yet, moving when you’re feeling down can give you energy and lift your spirits. Any type of physical movement can help you release the pain from your body. Go for a short walk, try yoga or dance to music.
If you simply can’t find a way to compromise with parents, you might find you have to ‘agree to disagree’. Remember that you can have your own opinions, based on your own experience, beliefs and values – whether or not you accept your parents’ or guardians’ views is up to you.
Listen to what your parents or guardians have to say and accept that their point of view may be as valid as yours. If talking to them seems impossible, it can be helpful to send an e-mail or write a letter, explaining how you feel. You can also try a mediator or family counselling.
The activity that you engage yourself in as a means of distraction should be both absorbing and interesting to you. Doing this thing should either require your full attention, or be so absorbing of your attention in its detail that you will forget yourself.
Distraction is a surprisingly effective technique for changing your mood. When you realise that you have become upset, choose to interrupt your negative mood by engaging in something that distracts you from what has upset you.