Control issues in a relationship

Trying to control someone against their will is bullying. It can frequently have the opposite effect of that intended. Constantly trying to control someone creates an atmosphere of resentment and an unbalanced relationship.

Control issues in relationships can cause huge problems, often associated with extremes of behaviour including intense anger which can sometimes spiral into abuse.

This unbalanced relationship can end in abuse if the controller uses physical and emotional abuse in an attempt to maintain control.

How do you address issues of excessive control by one partner?

  • it is important to involve your partner in establishing that there is a problem threatening your relationship and your determination to make a change.
  • try to establish why one of you feels the need to dominate the other and why one partner allows themselves to be controlled. Can you talk about what are you afraid of?
  • try to reverse the pattern, even if that means starting with something small.
  • the submissive partner may need training to help to rebuild their self confidence and gain more assertiveness skills.
  • depending on how out of balance the relationship has become you may need professional input to get to the root of the problem. Sometimes this requires getting help outside of the relationship through counselling.

Source: Armchair Advice

Read more

  • Controlling and Abusive relationships @ Stanford University

    Excerpt: Relationship Abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control her/him.


  • Control Issues @ CompataMate

    Excerpt: The person exerting the control nor the recipient of controlling behavior benefit. It is most natural to make concessions in a relationship in order to accommodate your partner but, when you make concessions to the point that you are no longer being true to yourself, red flags start flying. If these issues are not addressed, resentments and anger sets in. Prolonged situations of fighting a controlling partner result in individualism (self) getting lost. After a while, you question your self-identity and self-worth.

Further help

For help contact:

  • SupportLine: Confidential emotional support for children, young adults and adults on 01708 765200

Message supplied by: Rich @ Respect Yourself