When you’re thinking in black-and-white, you see everything in terms of being either good or bad with nothing in between. Either you’re great, or you’re a loser; if you don’t look like a model, you must be ugly; if you do something wrong, then you are completely useless.
Thinking errors are irrational patterns of thinking that can cause you to feel bad and sometimes act in self-defeating ways. If you feel more upset the more you think about a situation, you can learn to think in a different way.
Try not to use alcohol or other drugs – including lots of caffeine or other energy drinks – in the hope of feeling better or forgetting expectations and pressure. The feeling is usually temporary and the effects often make you feel worse.
Expectations can lead to a lot of stress. It’s important to take time out to do something that you enjoy. Although you might not feel like it or have time, exercising, eating well and getting plenty of sleep can help you feel better.
If you need to express your emotions you can do this in ways that won’t cause you bodily harm, or damage to another person or property, like yelling, punching or crying into a pillow, or dancing round the room to loud music.
Writing down your feelings in a journal or private online space can be a great way to gain some insight into a situation and reduce the power of unrealistic expectations. Expressing yourself creatively can also help you think about alternative solutions to problems.
Every day, we make up our own stories. Our teacher asks to speak with us or a friend doesn’t return our call, and instantly we fill in the blanks. These stories aren’t just inaccurate; they’re destructive. They isolate us and damage our relationships, and are a major contributor to our anxiety.
For most of us, anxiety is derived from outside forces such as work, school, finances, and relationships, as well as our own negative self-talk. When our imagination gets the best of us and uncertainty grabs the steering wheel in our minds, we have a way of making ourselves anxious.
We often create fears based on past experiences and blow them out of proportion. They’re not always grounded in reality. Even when they are justifiable, they’re not the things that create us – we create ourselves with what we tell ourselves and how we act.
If you’re feeling stressed, sometimes getting some space and a change of scenery can be helpful. It’s important to give yourself permission to do this regularly. Go for a walk, listen to music, read a book, or go to the cinema – whatever works for you.