You have stories, but you are not your stories. You have labels, but you are not your labels. Make a list of everything you are, maybe 200 things. Return to your list regularly: keep adding to it or cross a few things out, which are no longer true for you.
Your stories, memories, and experiences have shaped your personality but they are still only stories. They may have been real once, but are definitely not real now. They exist only inside your head, as fleeting thoughts, beliefs, pictures, and ideas of “self”.
What are the stories you tell yourself about your life? About your happiness, what you can allow yourself, the kind of work you can do, how much money you can make, the opportunities available to you?
The stories of a person, a family, a culture, a country – they hold us, bind us in ways which are potentially fruitful or harmful, and can give us an identity. They can influence and also undermine us.
Try not to use alcohol or other drugs – including lots of caffeine or other energy drinks – in the hope of feeling better or forgetting expectations and pressure. The feeling is usually temporary and the effects often make you feel worse.
Expectations can lead to a lot of stress. It’s important to take time out to do something that you enjoy. Although you might not feel like it or have time, exercising, eating well and getting plenty of sleep can help you feel better.
If you need to express your emotions you can do this in ways that won’t cause you bodily harm, or damage to another person or property, like yelling, punching or crying into a pillow, or dancing round the room to loud music.
Writing down your feelings in a journal or private online space can be a great way to gain some insight into a situation and reduce the power of unrealistic expectations. Expressing yourself creatively can also help you think about alternative solutions to problems.
Every day, we make up our own stories. Our teacher asks to speak with us or a friend doesn’t return our call, and instantly we fill in the blanks. These stories aren’t just inaccurate; they’re destructive. They isolate us and damage our relationships, and are a major contributor to our anxiety.
For most of us, anxiety is derived from outside forces such as work, school, finances, and relationships, as well as our own negative self-talk. When our imagination gets the best of us and uncertainty grabs the steering wheel in our minds, we have a way of making ourselves anxious.